wakey wakey hands off snakey
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
