i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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