Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
