Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
