The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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