Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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