Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
either way he was missing a nipple.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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