just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
