PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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