the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
