HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
