I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
