i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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