just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
