You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
