Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
His hands were made for my vagina.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
