Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
