batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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