In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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