"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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