He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
