My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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