i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
