also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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