Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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