Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
