oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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