i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
