its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
