I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
