it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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