first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
