Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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