i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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