Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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