I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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