I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
