thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
