That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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