Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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