dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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