I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
