I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
