I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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