you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
