So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
