Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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