My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
