You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
