A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
