Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
