her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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