That's intense
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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