So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My life is pants optional.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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