oh god the rape fog is back!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
