she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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