so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
