i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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