I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
