Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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