bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
