Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
