my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
she told me i tasted like america
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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